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Jan 25, 2008 11:25:17 GMT
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Well one of the perils of finding yourself up at odd hours with a 9 month old baby is that QVC is always on... Or in this case "Ideal World". My God the tat they punt onto willing idiots. And now me. "Car Care with Stan and Ollie" or whatever its called was the only watchable item on the whole of freeview not so long ago and I found myself splurging £24.99 on this little box o' goodies... Now the PTFE engine treatment is going straight in the bin, unless anyone here believes in its ju-ju and I'll send it you for the price of the postage if you do. However, I have once again, been taken in by the advertised claims of a miracle wax. Having been suitably disapointed with Mer, Meguiars and sundry other boutique type and wonder products I still get taken in to try new stuff. But the point is this. I know the miracle product exists. The elixier of lazy shine. I have seen it, and not on some cheesey TV show or at a stand on a car boot sale or show... Nope inthe real world, at the motor auctions. They employ a bunch of West African types to wander up the rows of cars with a squirty bottle full of magic jism or some such. West African fella squirts some on and half arsedly wipes it off again. Car is miraculously shiny. Car was not even washed. Squirt on (dirty car), wipe off (shiny like new pin car). I've seen cleaningproducts sold at motorworld or where ever which claim these mystical properites but just result in smears and scratched paintwork. This, Idealworld.TV promise me is the real West African Auction Assistant's Magic Jism! We shall see. Also included are some "Miracle sponges" to clean wheels and glass with and some "Miracle cloths" to buff off the Jism with. Also also included is some of that "fuel system cleaner". I shall chuck that in the mazda with no expectation of it doing any good but a safe knowlege its unlikely to do any harm. Now as I'm at home all day today I was going to try it out but I can't because I'm waiting in for a parcel and this parcel company are the biggest bunch f cock suckers out. Won't let you collect form the depot, won't specify a time of delivery and on two occasions this week they have "while you were out" carded us when Emma was out for the only 15-20 minutes of the day, having waited in all the rest of the day for them to stop sucking cock and bring my fuggin parcel. I swear they are watching the house waiting for their oportunity to raise my blood pressure yet further. Goingout back to the garage to clean a car or do any garage work would result in another fuggin card. Anyway, odds on me having been ripped off again?
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Last Edit: Jan 25, 2008 11:25:42 GMT by akku
1941 Wolseley Not Rod - 1956 Humber Hawk - 1957 Daimler Conquest - 1966 Buick LeSabre - 1968 Plymouth Sport Fury - 1968 Ford Galaxie - 1969 Ford Country Squire - 1969 Mercury Marquis - 1970 Morris Minor - 1970 Buick Skylark - 1970 Ford Galaxie - 1971 Ford Galaxie - 1976 Continental Mark IV - 1976 Ford Capri - 1994 Ford Fiesta
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Jan 25, 2008 12:06:58 GMT
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Cheap and nasty 'high gloss waxes' just contain a curse word load of silicone for the shine. Not really something you want all over your paintwork...
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Jan 25, 2008 12:11:05 GMT
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I suspect that blue and white jar at the back will be the most effective product in that pic. ;D
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Jan 25, 2008 12:18:00 GMT
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the stuff use at the auctions would just be a show room wax lasts a day at best if the car is inside. as vip said contains all manor of rubbish just the make a car look shiny but don't actually do it any favors in the paintwork department plus try getting a touch up of paint near anything that has that stuff on it ;D real shine involves work unfortunately but it don't hurt to try a few new products out now and then that said i don't think i'd be rushing to use those aplicator sponges on any paintwork of mine ;D
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Last Edit: Jan 25, 2008 12:19:30 GMT by Deleted
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Jan 25, 2008 12:36:03 GMT
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you've been 'ad sunshine.
The engine treatment looks like fun though! Cant beat a good bit of detergent in your motor to keep all that nasty oil away from any rotating assemblies.
"I love the rattle of big ends in the morning"
I can't remember the last time I spent 25 notes on cleaning gear, good old colour wax does the trick, fair bit of effort to apply it and buff the car up but I find it a good workout if anything, need all I can get when I sit on my ar5e all day on a computer.
Did they have any magic beans this week? I always miss the magic beans.
Post some picture results! If it is magic hoodoo voodoo messed up butu ju-ju jizzm then you're onto a winner!
OR
Just enter your car for auction every time it needs a wash, with a massive reserve, then the ol' african man will shine it for you!
Ry
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Jan 25, 2008 12:36:27 GMT
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Needs detailing.
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Jan 25, 2008 12:47:32 GMT
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deffo, these products deserve an in depth write up and review. You know what to do. ;D
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Jan 25, 2008 12:48:24 GMT
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Nothing wrong with detergent in your engine! That's why oil companies carefully work out how much soap to tip in the engine oil they sell you. Oil companies put a LOT of effort into working it out.
Whatevers in that bottle, it took half an hour to invent, and "testing" involved pouring it into some old banger and making sure it still ran afterwards.
I think you have been had.. Getting a good lasting shine on a car just takes sheer time. Wash, clay bar, and wax.
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Jan 25, 2008 12:49:02 GMT
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"You've been QVC'd!!!!"
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Jan 25, 2008 13:04:49 GMT
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Nothing wrong with detergent in your engine! That's why oil companies carefully work out how much soap to tip in the engine oil they sell you. Oil companies put a LOT of effort into working it out. . never knew they had detergent in oil, learn something new everyday though, if it isnt a joke that is. I am quite gullible (sp?) I was talking more about the high concentration of the stuff in that engine flush. white spirit / thinners etc... bit of fairy liquid... blood from a cats face for taste and a few dog ends, its done Dr. Krappsticks, the formula is ready!
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Jan 25, 2008 13:10:25 GMT
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There is detergent in both oil and fuel.
PTFE is another matter altogether...
We shall see. If cocksucker parcels ever deliver my stuff I'll go have a bash on the Mazda.
The wax stuff claims to be carnuba (sp?) whichis what the detailer types toss-off over.
Engine flush products are the work of satan. When I was young and foolish, well... lets not go there...
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1941 Wolseley Not Rod - 1956 Humber Hawk - 1957 Daimler Conquest - 1966 Buick LeSabre - 1968 Plymouth Sport Fury - 1968 Ford Galaxie - 1969 Ford Country Squire - 1969 Mercury Marquis - 1970 Morris Minor - 1970 Buick Skylark - 1970 Ford Galaxie - 1971 Ford Galaxie - 1976 Continental Mark IV - 1976 Ford Capri - 1994 Ford Fiesta
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Jan 25, 2008 13:29:23 GMT
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Caranuba wax IS the good stuff, but stuff sold as caranuba wax probably only has a few percent in it. The expensive stuff with loads of caranuba in is really hard to apply apparently.
The REALLY expensive wax is 8 grand a tub. Yes, eight thousand pounds sterling.
Engine flush really IS curse word. What it does is remove all the deposits from your bearings, which were holding the bearing in its bed. If you disturb those deposits by any means, such as dismantling the bearing or tipping engine flushing stuff in, then the bearing needs bedding back in, so you have to go through a running in procedure.. again.
The trouble comes when the bearing is too worn to bed itself in again. Then you just get highly accelerated wear. In a really bad engine, the carbon deposits ARE the bearing surface. Get rid of them and you get an immediate knocking sound.
In theory though? that PTFE gunk can replace the carbon deposits.. bringing you exactly back to where you started, and the engine probably worse off for having been messed with.
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bbq
Part of things
(. )( .)
Posts: 485
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Jan 25, 2008 13:43:00 GMT
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AK, you often edumacate the young 'uns on here with your wizened stories and shared experiences, yet in a moment of QVC weakness you buy this total crock of sh*te! Be honest- just how many beers had you had? You know as well as most (if not better) that anything with the word "miracle" on it is cheap cr*p that's just had it's price doubled. Don't get that "polish" near anything or any area you might want to paint in the next 12 months! Good Luck!
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Last Edit: Jan 25, 2008 13:43:42 GMT by bbq
2003 Suzuki Wagon R+. Feel the POWAAARRRR!!! 1968 Volvo 142. My street/strip car. Currently fubarred, it will run one day. 1971 Volvo 142. Parts car. Stripped and gone. 1993 Nissan Sunny diesel. Runs on cooking oil! [/UR
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Jan 25, 2008 13:45:36 GMT
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I have a steam cleaner... gets most curse word off ;D
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1941 Wolseley Not Rod - 1956 Humber Hawk - 1957 Daimler Conquest - 1966 Buick LeSabre - 1968 Plymouth Sport Fury - 1968 Ford Galaxie - 1969 Ford Country Squire - 1969 Mercury Marquis - 1970 Morris Minor - 1970 Buick Skylark - 1970 Ford Galaxie - 1971 Ford Galaxie - 1976 Continental Mark IV - 1976 Ford Capri - 1994 Ford Fiesta
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impmann
Posted a lot
Overcoming stupidity is the greatest challenge left to mankind
Posts: 1,089
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Jan 25, 2008 14:05:32 GMT
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No such thing as miracle shine. After years of searching, I gave up. Some of these spray-on, wipe off cleaner/polishes are awful - you'd sometimes do better armed with a brillo pad and some engine oil. When we tested polishes etc, Mer did very badly tbh. Meguiars seems to me to be a case of the emperors new clothes (Kwik-Clay? Load of ). Halfords range of stuff should be read as the inverse of their claims ie "smear-free" should read "smeary-as-f0ck". FWIW I still think Autoglym is the best polish, if then followed up with a proper wax to seal it. Carnuba waxes can be a bit hit and miss tbh (cheap usually = sh1t in my experience) but there are some ace synthetic waxes out there. Note to self: lay off the beer before watching QVC....
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1964 Hillman Imp 1976 Hillman Imp 1967 Hillman Imp (And a few projects dotted around the country)
Just cos something is good for you doesn't mean its good for everyone - for example Marmite does not make good Dog Food.
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Jan 25, 2008 14:14:12 GMT
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Indeed, the Meguiars splurge cost me a way more than this did and was curse word. I actually like the Quick Clay, found that worked very well, but their car wash dries very streaky unless you are very carefull and the wax was dreadful Hard to use and not as nice a finish as Autoglym.
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1941 Wolseley Not Rod - 1956 Humber Hawk - 1957 Daimler Conquest - 1966 Buick LeSabre - 1968 Plymouth Sport Fury - 1968 Ford Galaxie - 1969 Ford Country Squire - 1969 Mercury Marquis - 1970 Morris Minor - 1970 Buick Skylark - 1970 Ford Galaxie - 1971 Ford Galaxie - 1976 Continental Mark IV - 1976 Ford Capri - 1994 Ford Fiesta
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kevfromwales
Posted a lot
the conrod's REALLY out the block now!
Posts: 3,909
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Jan 25, 2008 14:20:13 GMT
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I waxed a car once, never done it since.... (think I've only washed a car about 3 or 4 times too) - kev
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Almost on the road: b11 sunny breadvan, e36 tds, 325i skidcar,
nearly there: ford f250 tathauler, suzuki alto, u11 bluey
not for a while: ford pop, 32 rails,
not in this lifetime: ruby, '29 hillman
''unfortanatly I'm quite old and scruffy and in need of some loving. my drive shaft needs a new boot....''
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DutyFreeSaviour
Europe
Back For More heartbreak and disappointment.....
Posts: 2,944
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Jan 25, 2008 14:21:29 GMT
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Once you've done the thread on it's effects and results - you can give my GF's mum a ring and compare QVC rip-off tales ;D We can only blame sleep deprivation
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Back from the dead..... kind of
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Jan 25, 2008 14:29:36 GMT
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The REALLY expensive wax is 8 grand a tub. Yes, eight thousand pounds sterling. 8 grand? Pah, a mere drop in the ocean! Zymol Solaris is £30,000 for a pot of carnuba, base oil and coconut oil. You do get a gold spoon to mix it with though!
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Jan 25, 2008 14:41:01 GMT
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30 grand? I thought the Zymol Royale was the most expensive one they did?
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