|
This was the NAUGHTY CORNERaccord83
@accord83
Club Retro Rides Member 51
|
Jul 17, 2019 19:33:23 GMT
|
The “tin hat” profile picture is a long-running * in joke on another forum. When I registered here I tried to be a bit more grownup. ** * So long-running I genuinely can’t remember what kicked it off. ** It obviously hasn’t worked. 😂 I was worried, I thought you were channeling Gunner Spike Milligan.
|
|
74 Mk1 Escort 1360, 1971 Vauxhall Victor SL2000 Estate.
|
|
|
glenanderson
Club Retro Rides Member
Posts: 4,123
Club RR Member Number: 64
|
This was the NAUGHTY CORNERglenanderson
@glenanderson
Club Retro Rides Member 64
|
|
The “tin hat” profile picture is a long-running * in joke on another forum. When I registered here I tried to be a bit more grownup. ** * So long-running I genuinely can’t remember what kicked it off. ** It obviously hasn’t worked. 😂 I was worried, I thought you were channeling Gunner Spike Milligan. 😂
|
|
My worst worry about dying is my wife selling my stuff for what I told her it cost...
|
|
|
|
This was the NAUGHTY CORNERaccord83
@accord83
Club Retro Rides Member 51
|
Jul 21, 2019 10:46:27 GMT
|
Just how long do I keep the cat in the box for? It's gone awfully quiet.
|
|
74 Mk1 Escort 1360, 1971 Vauxhall Victor SL2000 Estate.
|
|
MiataMark
Club Retro Rides Member
Posts: 2,963
Club RR Member Number: 29
|
|
Jul 21, 2019 11:03:07 GMT
|
Just how long do I keep the cat in the box for? It's gone awfully quiet. We'd need to know how big the box is and the size, age and general health of the cat...
|
|
1990 Mazda MX-52012 BMW 118i (170bhp) - white appliance 2011 Land Rover Freelander 2 TD4 2003 Land Rover Discovery II TD52007 Alfa Romeo 159 Sportwagon JTDm
|
|
|
|
Jul 21, 2019 11:25:59 GMT
|
Just how long do I keep the cat in the box for? It's gone awfully quiet.It's just saving its energy to claw the curse word out of you when you do open the box. Cats are good hunters, so they're patient and sneaky
|
|
|
|
glenanderson
Club Retro Rides Member
Posts: 4,123
Club RR Member Number: 64
|
This was the NAUGHTY CORNERglenanderson
@glenanderson
Club Retro Rides Member 64
|
Jul 21, 2019 13:10:52 GMT
|
Not sure whether to panic because I’m the cause of hyperventilation, or whether to roll eyes and hand out paper bag... After due consideration... rolls eyes... hands out bag... 🤣
|
|
My worst worry about dying is my wife selling my stuff for what I told her it cost...
|
|
Tamber
Part of things
Shattered. Held together by spite and tape.
Posts: 314
|
|
Jul 21, 2019 19:00:59 GMT
|
...Well, fox me, it's all gone to (tin-)pot while I was away. Not sure if I should've been drinking less, or more, while reading this thread.
...probably more. Yes, definitely.
Where's the gin?
|
|
-< Welder. Allegedly a mechanic. Bodger of Things >- * 1958? Bedford RL - Progress: Glacial. * 1994 Skoda Favorit - It's baaaaaaaack! * 2018 Herald Classic - Off the road, indefinitely.
|
|
|
luckyseven
Posted a lot
Owning sneering dismissive pedantry since 1970
Posts: 3,839
Club RR Member Number: 45
|
This was the NAUGHTY CORNERluckyseven
@luckyseven
Club Retro Rides Member 45
|
Jul 21, 2019 19:43:38 GMT
|
We moved into our current house right in the middle of the largest urban conurbation in Sussex having previously lived in pretty much the middle of nowhere. We moved in with four cats... after a month or so we had one and a half. The other two and a half, being totally unused to such heavy traffic, got themselves run over*. It was quite depressing.
I was just getting ready for work one morning when there was a knock on the door. It was about half seven, so unlikely to be post or anything vaguely useful as our postie doesn't normally get here till the crack of two in the afternoon, but I answered it anyway. There was the neighbour's son, shuffling his feet and looking awkward. He was maybe fourteen so hadn't developed the ability to communicate with humans yet. He just stood there, looking gormless and failing to make eye contact.
"Yes?" I tried to jolt him into some level of interaction
"Errr," he managed. Then perhaps realising this was feeble attempt at conversation even by teenaged standards, he went for broke. "One of your cats is in our garden."
My heart sank, given we'd already had one and a half run over by this point. I couldn't even be sarcastic enough to point out cats, by their very nature, move about and are usually where you'd least like them to be.
"Is it dead?" I asked
"Errrrr." It was like listening to a starter motor winding up. "Might be."
I pulled on my boots and went round the dividing fence. Sure enough, there was my cat (my favourite one, as it happened, although I know you shouldn't, not even amongst furkids) laid out stone cold on the ground, covered in frost and with bits of what should have been inside leaking onto the outside of her. She'd obviously been hit by a car; maybe been knocked into their garden, maybe staggered the few yards before she succumbed.
"Might be dead?" I questioned him. "Heads up, but when an animal's covered in ice, even over its open eyes, that's not usually a good sign."
"Errrrr, no," he said, and went into his house. Glaring at the closed door was no help, so I went back to ours, got a bin liner and was involved in trying to bend the cat's inflexible, frozen, rigor mortis-ed limbs enough to get her into the bag. It wasn't the most pleasant of tasks, accompanied as it was by disquieting cracking noises and paws kept obstinately popping out of the bag just when you thought you were winning. The front door opened again whilst I was involved in this inelegant danse macabre and the lad's mother stood there. By the look on her face, she approved of nothing.
"That your cat?" she demanded to know.
This presented me with a dilemma. The easy answer was to simply acknowledge ownership (in as much as anyone ever really owns a cat, even a dead one) but my overdeveloped sarcasm gland was struggling to accept this and all kinds of scenarios ran through my mind. Because, after all... if it wasn't my cat, how weird a situation was this to be caught in the middle of? But maybe she was genuinely sad, an animal lover feeling empathetic pain at such neighbourghly loss.
"Yes," I managed finally, having taken a leaf from her son's playbook of Taciturn 101. how terrible, how sad, how awful was what I was expecting next. What I actually got was;
"My son was very upset to come outside and find that lying there like that in our garden." She paused, maybe tapping her inner humanity. Nope. "He's a very sensitive lad, y'know and it's very distressing for him."
I neglected to mention that it was fairly depressing for me, too, but instead and with all the dignity and haughter I could muster, stood up with my bin liner full of rigid cat.
"I'm recreating Schrödinger's Cat experiment," I told her. "If it helps him get closure, he can come round in a month's time, we'll open the bag and see if she's back on her feet again." And stalked off without another word to bury my cat. They moved away a few months later, which was fine by me though the lad never did seem too keen on following up my science project. Shame, I reckon his teacher would have been properly impressed with his sudden and previously unsuspected grasp of quantum physics.
*The half was the most idiotic of the cats, who got himself run over but didn't have the good sense to die of it. Instead he managed to get on with his life afterwards despite having fewer eyes and legs than he'd had previously. Given that he was an utter &@#!wit before, it didn't improve his smarts any having had a car run over his head
|
|
Last Edit: Jul 21, 2019 19:46:07 GMT by luckyseven
|
|
bstardchild
Club Retro Rides Member
Posts: 14,904
Club RR Member Number: 71
|
This was the NAUGHTY CORNERbstardchild
@bstardchild
Club Retro Rides Member 71
|
Jul 21, 2019 20:09:00 GMT
|
I want to like this because of the way it's written and the real black humour (a type of humour that I got very used to in the Police Service) but I can't - I just can't *The half was the most idiotic of the cats, who got himself run over but didn't have the good sense to die of it. Instead he managed to get on with his life afterwards despite having fewer eyes and legs than he'd had previously. Given that he was an utter &@#!wit before, it didn't improve his smarts any having had a car run over his head I like this but because of the earlier part of the post I can't like the whole post so I'm giving you a virtual like here and I've made it bold and underlined it just so you know Seems you are unlucky with cats (or they are unlucky with you) My score is 5 cats and 1 dog since 1984 Flapjack was a roadkill - found by a neighbour (Police officer) who thought someone was sending him a message so chucked it in the skip at the local nick - it was emptied before we could recover the body Webster - 3 yrs old and ended up road kill - arguing with an artic is a stupid thing for a dog to do but my ex wife was and still is a curse word retard and didn't think a dog needed to be kept on a lead Donut lived to a grand old age of 17 but was beaten by Thyroid issues & kidney failure - was put down at the vets and due to a mix up cremated before we could recover the body for burial Truffle lived to a grand old age of 16 but was beaten by Thyroid issues - I didn't make the same mistake and she came home with me and is underneath the forsythia bush in the back garden (it was where we could always find her in the summer and also where we could guaruntee tot to find cat curse word when weeding) Elsie live to 10 years old (super bright cat) and died of lung cancer last year (anniversary of her death is in 4 days time - I'm not going to be good on that day - it's not like she smoked that much.....) She's under the brick weave patio because I'd never finished it cos she liked the area where I hadn't finished it to duck into so she could catch the mice living under the shed . Stanley currently 11 years old (Elsie's brother and thicker than pig curse word and twice as stupid) still doing the eat sleep curse word routine on a daily basis but Lisa is going to be in bits when the eventual happens - I'm also gonna need a bloody big hole and an even larger box as he's a big moggy
|
|
|
|
norm75
Part of things
Posts: 658
|
|
Jul 21, 2019 20:11:44 GMT
|
I only popped in here, because I recalled seeing a thread about a black reliant scimitar with a bonnet scoop, and just happened to pass said reliant scimitar yesterday morning on my way to Brighton.
But I empathize with luckyseven, although happened the other way around moving from a large village in the centre of Sussex to a much smaller one five miles away, two cats that had survived 10 years at previous address and the first one got run over, survived with the help of a few thousand pounds worth of repairs, month later I go down with a collapsed lung out of sympathy, followed by cat number two being run over another month later costing another many hundreds of pounds in the removal of parts no longer fit for purpose. So, although you have my sympathy, I can't deny that a smirk may have occurred when reading lines such as 'stood up with a bag full of rigid cat'
|
|
|
|
luckyseven
Posted a lot
Owning sneering dismissive pedantry since 1970
Posts: 3,839
Club RR Member Number: 45
|
This was the NAUGHTY CORNERluckyseven
@luckyseven
Club Retro Rides Member 45
|
Jul 21, 2019 20:19:12 GMT
|
It's fine. It's supposed to be funny. Even at the time, it was funny. Sick, but funny. I'll never forget the stream of possible answers analysed and discarded in a split second when she demanded to know if it was my cat I only popped in here, because I recalled seeing a thread about a black reliant scimitar with a bonnet scoop, and just happened to pass said reliant scimitar yesterday morning on my way to Brighton. @quatermass is dead *, long live @quatermass * not dead really. It's a figure of speech. ....or is he? Dah-dah-dummmm. Archly knowing winking smiley EDIT: see? Even after being told how to do multi-quotes I still forgot and had to do it by cut'n'paste and edit I don't think I'm cutr out for the digital age Anyway, there's a definite food-theme-naming strategy thing going on there. A bit like you should never go shopping when you're hungry, because you end up buying far too many cakes, perhaps you shouldn't name cats shortly after a nice truffle souffle
|
|
Last Edit: Jul 21, 2019 20:22:38 GMT by luckyseven
|
|
|
This was the NAUGHTY CORNERaccord83
@accord83
Club Retro Rides Member 51
|
Jul 21, 2019 20:23:15 GMT
|
Just how long do I keep the cat in the box for? It's gone awfully quiet.It's just saving its energy to claw the curse word out of you when you do open the box. Cats are good hunters, so they're patient and sneaky It's a shoe box, Mr Schrödinger said it would be fine, the cat decided it was a bit small, it was a big cat, but with a smidgen of judicial pruning of the cat, it fit. Just to make sure it didn't get wet I placed it in a bin liner, the box, not the cat, obviously that would be cruel, and then gaffer taped it all nice and tight. I now don't know if to look and ruin Mr Schrödinger's experimental theory, or leave it be. * *Actually it is a theoretical cat therefore no actual cats are being harmed in this experiment. As an aside I have just noticed a satin black 9 second Scimitar for sale in CLASSIC CARS / VEHICLES FOR SALE UK (NO PARTS) 95 OR OLDER on Facebook. Noooo, after the collective effort to shave the seconds off its ET.
|
|
Last Edit: Jul 21, 2019 20:23:44 GMT by accord83
74 Mk1 Escort 1360, 1971 Vauxhall Victor SL2000 Estate.
|
|
bstardchild
Club Retro Rides Member
Posts: 14,904
Club RR Member Number: 71
|
This was the NAUGHTY CORNERbstardchild
@bstardchild
Club Retro Rides Member 71
|
Jul 21, 2019 20:27:50 GMT
|
Anyway, there's a definite food-theme-naming strategy thing going on there. A bit like you should never go shopping when you're hungry, because you end up buying far too many cakes, perhaps you shouldn't name cats shortly after a nice truffle souffle Webster (The dog) was named after beer - all the previous cats were named after sweet things This naming convention ended with the arrival of Stan and Elsie (My Grandad and My Great Aunt incidently but not actually chosen for that reason - they were the names that Lisa had in mind for children she never intended to have - I know I struggle with that too) Also she swore blind that she was never going out in the street and calling for anything like Donut or Truffle ever again - apparently it's embarrassing!!!! I really don't understand women....... furkids are much easier to work out
|
|
|
|
Frankenhealey
Club Retro Rides Member
And I looked, and behold, a pale horse! And its rider's name was Death
Posts: 3,875
Club RR Member Number: 15
|
This was the NAUGHTY CORNERFrankenhealey
@frankenhealey
Club Retro Rides Member 15
|
Jul 21, 2019 20:28:47 GMT
|
@quatermass is dead *, long live @quatermass * not dead really. It's a figure of speech. ....or is he? Dah-dah-dummmm. Archly knowing winking smiley I think he's in the box with the cat
|
|
Tales of the Volcano Lair hereFrankenBug - Vulcan Power hereThe Frankenhealey here
|
|
MiataMark
Club Retro Rides Member
Posts: 2,963
Club RR Member Number: 29
|
|
Jul 21, 2019 20:29:26 GMT
|
Worst for me was going into garage to find a dead cat, that had been hit by a car and come in through a cat flap in the door, found a tag and had to go round (without the cat) to tell the owner I'd found her cat dead. Wrapped in in a towel and left it for them to collect, they gave me a new towel. Also found one of the cats that had been knocked down a few weeks after it had been hit under a bush in the neighbours front garden you can imagine what that was like.
Lost 2 or 3 cats to cars and one that survived, guess which one wasn't insured! Then to add insult to injury the cat that survived and had cost us a large vet bill decided to move in with the next but one neighbours (getting a Border Terrier might have come into it as well).
What a charming turn of subject come back @quatermass we need cheering up.
With regards to pet naming all our dogs have been on a Monthy Python/John Cleese theme, Monty, Wanda, Pru, Polly and the current pair Basil & Sybil.
|
|
Last Edit: Jul 21, 2019 20:33:23 GMT by MiataMark
1990 Mazda MX-52012 BMW 118i (170bhp) - white appliance 2011 Land Rover Freelander 2 TD4 2003 Land Rover Discovery II TD52007 Alfa Romeo 159 Sportwagon JTDm
|
|
bstardchild
Club Retro Rides Member
Posts: 14,904
Club RR Member Number: 71
|
This was the NAUGHTY CORNERbstardchild
@bstardchild
Club Retro Rides Member 71
|
Jul 21, 2019 21:16:22 GMT
|
With regards to pet naming all our dogs have been on a Monthy Python/John Cleese theme, Monty, Wanda, Pru, Polly and the current pair Basil & Sybil. HARDCORE has an engine naming convention for his cats - Pinto I'm sure is one of them
|
|
|
|
|
|
Jul 21, 2019 21:37:52 GMT
|
What a charming turn of subject come back Quatermass we need cheering up. I had a big old b4stard of a cat called Bingo. Died the Spring before last of age related complications. He was born as a street cat and had survived as a baby kitten for a couple of years on his own until the RSPCA had picked him up and found him a home. Not with us at first. I loved that cat. He was the size of an Alsation. A Maine Coon. Utterly Beautiful, like a lion. He was tough as nuts too and fearless. We'd watch him out of the upstairs windows hunting all the dogs out for a walk. He'd stalk them, and then pounce. Didnt matter what size they were he'd have them. First time I ever met Bingo was our first year in Brighton. He was locked in a walk-in chicken-wire cage in somebody's back garden. He was uncontrollable and they didnt know what to do with him because the other cats who lived with him were terrified. I asked to go into his cage with him. It was the size of a large shower cubicle. The woman said, almost hysterical with nervousness "I MEAN YEAH, SURE IF YOU IF YOU I MEAN HAHAHA OH MY GOD BUT OKAY SURE IF YOU, NO, ITS JUST... IF YOU... YOU KNOW... SURE.... WHY NOT, YEAH, GO FOR IT". So in I went. He circled me from a low level, then started purring and rubbing against my legs. I bent down and stroked him. He liked it. He made his way up on the various ledges and cat cubby holes around the walls to shoulder height. Purring. I stroked him. He purred. I stroked. He purred. I stroHE LEAPT OFF THE WALL ON TO MY ARM AND SHREDDED IT IN ABOUT THREE SECONDS THEN BURIED HIS TEETH DEEP INTO MY SHOULDER AND DID SOME KIND OF NINJITSU WEIRD SH1T WITH HIS LEGS LIKE FOUR WINDMILL KICKS WITH RAZORBLADE GLOVES THAT LACERATED ME EVERYWHERE. AS I FELL TO MY KNEES AND COVERED MY FACE HE LEPT ON TO MY HEAD BURIED ALL OF HIS CLAWS INTO MY SKULL MEAT AND JUST GNAWED MY FOREHEAD. I crawled out of there, blinded by cascades of blood in my eyes. My clothes were soaked in blood and it was dripping off me at an alarming rate. I'm not exaggerating. So naturally we said we'd take him with us. The reasoning being if we didnt tame him, this was his life. In that cage forever, until he died or got put down. It took a very very long time to win his trust. But once we did, I've never known an animal be so connected to us as he was. He was amazing. He was really affectionate, really smart, really playful. He used to come with me in my car. He'd stand on my lap and put his feet on the steering wheel. He and I would play fight quite savagely... really going for it but he would always keep his claws in and wouldnt bite hard, just wrap his teeth around me and give me a gentle squeeze. He could have chewed chunks off me but he knew it was play fighting so he didnt. He was our first child really, then the girls came along, and then one day two years ago he didnt seem himself any more. Vet said he had really big inoperable tumours. They spruced him back up with drugs but the vet said that would buy him another month where he'd be his old self again, but once that wore off it was time to say goodbye. I took him to the vets on his last day. They gave him the injections as he clung to me like a giant furry beast with huge paws around me and his face buried in my neck. He died lying in my arms, staring up at me, purring. As he went out forever, my head suddenly filled with a song. Not a song I had ever felt any particular resonance with ever before in my life. It was The Boxer by Simon & Garfunkel. It played in my head as clear as if it was on a stereo as we stared at each other and he slowly went limp and loose in my arms. Cant listen to that song without blubbing now. Can barely think about it. I miss you Bingo you big old bast4rd. Hope that did the trick MiataMark.
|
|
Last Edit: Jul 21, 2019 21:41:07 GMT by Deleted
|
|
|
|
Jul 21, 2019 21:46:30 GMT
|
Now we have this blithering idiot, Boyzie... Absolutely useless. "Look at the camera" I said. But is he? No. He's 3/4 of a halfwit with debts outstanding.
|
|
Last Edit: Jul 21, 2019 22:32:29 GMT by Deleted
|
|