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Jul 26, 2016 19:33:44 GMT
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No, not ones your mates gave you when you were younger, something different...
It seems like quite a few on here my chosen profession was on the tools as a mechanical, whilst my initial training was as an agricultural engineer, I served my time working at at a country garage.
One of the highlights of the job was some of the nicknames we came up with for customers, here's some of the best I can remember.
Donald Trump.
One of those chaps who came in at MOT time, or something broke.
I forget his surname, although his given name was actually Donald.
The 'Trump' came from his wonderful habit -when dropping his vehicle off- of dropping his guts in the car as he switched it off and shutting the smell in there before handing us the keys.
I laughed at the look on my colleagues face when he realised what he'd just shut himself in the car with, not so much the second time it happened when I was the one who got in with it, believing he wouldn't have the guile to do it twice.
After that we tended to leave the door open for ten minutes or so before braving the vehicle.
He was an older bloke so I'm not sure it was deliberate, perhaps he just ate a large amount of boiled cabbage for breakfast?
'The Girls'
A pair of mid 50's lesbians who were both built like the car they drove, a square Rover 400 diesel.
Nice enough people, but absolutely destroyed any sort of vision you might have gleaned of lesbians from watching those 'blue movies'.
'The Notorious'
A name that came into existence around the time the film 'Notorious'- the biopic about Notorious B.I.G. came out.
The chap in question was a Bob Biggs, a chap with little mechanical knowledge who often turned up with requests for strange jobs to be done on his vehicle, usually complaining about wanting it done cheaply to boot.
One day as we saw him pull into the yard someone quipped 'it's the Notorious BIG, gs...'
'The Notorious' stuck after that.
There were others, but none I can remember at the moment.
Does anyone else have any amusing, or fitting nicknames for customers they'd like to share?
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Jul 26, 2016 22:37:48 GMT
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There was a guy we used to call "the Whopper", not because of any physical endowment (or lack thereof) but because he was a pathological liar! Not just about the cheque being in the post, but everything!
The joke around all the local garages went something like "How do you know (so and so) is lying to you?" Answer:- "His mouth is moving!"
And for many years I have been fixing the cars of a lovely old lady, now in her 70s, who is extremely short sighted and regards you owlishly, peering at you through inch thick spectacles. I've long forgotten her real name, she is known locally as Mrs Magoo!
Steve
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Last Edit: Jul 26, 2016 22:50:57 GMT by carledo
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Jul 26, 2016 23:42:56 GMT
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God ive got loads that come to our place. I work for a motafactors.
Talkative Steve, 40's, will tell you everything about whats happened to him since the last time you saw him, and also some repeats, including what temperature his dinner was cooked at 3 weeks ago tuesday. Likes motorbikes. Fancies my male colleague Paul with the bald head. Tells paul on a daily basis how he's going to take him naked to a beautiful place in the sunset. Steve often asks us how to diagnose mechanical faults and how to fit parts (he is the mechanic remember).
Crazy Dave Mottsy, aged 73, tells us his age everytime he orders car parts and says he is 'too old for this rubbish'. Owns shares in a nodding donkey in Texas with constantly depreciating oil prices. Thinks nothing of downing a can of cider at 8am and singing old rugby songs. Talks at a louder than normal volume due to mild deafness. Often brings a selection of cakes on appearance and often leaves a kiss on my bald colleagues head upon departure. Owned 4 cars in his whole life and yes i can name them. - he's my pick of the bunch.
Barney the b.stard 40's, likes an ale or 5, real name isnt Barney either, its Keith, i found this out after 6 years, often found to be on the other end of the phone or end of our office shouting obscenities for the hell of it. Mainly at me, whether I'm on the phone / shop counter or not. Doesnt work friday afternoons or weekends. Once got a black eye from Little Legs.
Little Legs The Runt, 60's about 4ft 8 with glasses, Landrover specialist, possibly the lovliest guy ive ever met. Bear in mind his height this guy is often found with legs dangling from out of landrover engine bays. Would give you his last rolo. Once gave barney a black eye when removing a track rod end. Oh how i laughed.
Mossy Aye Aye, late 70's Aye, aye, real old school, aye, still believes cars run on crossplys AYE and i can get his brake shoes relined for his 2008 caddy van. Aye aye aye. Absolutely stone deaf this one. AYE.
Queer ian, 20's, we don't know his sexual orientation other than he is very camp. Nice guy all the same.
Dog Breath, 60's, drives old peugeot 405, and 306, stun a rat at 50 yards and guaranteed to finish off a hangover in the mornings. Once refused to buy a pair of discs and instead settled for a single one. But not before measuring every aspect of it with a micrometer.
Turbo Terry, 40's, so called because of his extreme ability to be able to say good morning, give you the reg, make and model of car, order the parts needed, and tell you when he needs them for, and all this in under a minute. 11 seconds is my best so far. Also has the superpower of making whole sentences into 1 long undecipherable word. Imagine rewinding an old vhs cassette and listening to it underwater?
Discount Dan, 20's, any discount mate?
When Harry met Sammy, 60's and 30's, our 2 regular scrap collectors. Nice folk.
Nutter Dave, 70's, an ex drivers husband and long term customer, thinks nothing of driving his 3ft remote control tanks from his house over the road and through our office to blow up imaginery enemies. Occasionally seen in the warehouse (2ft from my desk) recalibrating the laser sight on his sniper rifle air gun, checking aim and firing at a pre positioned target at the end of an aisle before letting loose a volley of shots. We had to have words with him on this as i nearly got shot picking stock off the shelves. He now shoots magpies, rats and anything with a pulse that enters his garden. On the other hand a thoroughly intelligent guy but can rival talkative steve on dinner temperatures etc.
It truly is a great place to work and the boss is fantastic i just don't know how we get by with just some of these customers i really don't.
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Remembered a couple more.
'Mr Miagi'.
A bald Chapman his mid 50's, fairly unassuming until he grew a beard, after which he looked a lot like the original Mr Miagi.
'The Barr'.
A rather imposing looking woman who always looked like she was chewing a wasp.
Late 40's divorcee who was not quite as wide as she was tall, slightly Grey in colour due to a chain smoking habit, and insisted on being titled 'Ms'.
Her boyfriend -if you could call him that- was a rather slight chap, strange on his own, and often looked like a rabbit in headlights when he was with her.
She went from being Ms Barr to 'The Barr' After one too many visits and demands.
More if I remember any.
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Paul Y
Posted a lot
Posts: 1,948
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Jul 27, 2016 18:24:53 GMT
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Whadak. Never knew his first name but his surname was Hunt. According to Nobby - my mechanic when I was an apprentice - he never believed any of the repairs had been done to his white XR3i and insisted that we putI it up on the ramps so he could ensure that all of his chalk marks had been disturbed before paying... Therefore earning the name Whadak Hunt..... There are so many more including:- Mr Hymen - all job cards had him as Buster. Plug - the ugliest human being ever seen. Tracy 2 Tits - a rather large lady who's Bras where several sizes too small therefore creating 2 where there should have been one... P.  |
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Jul 27, 2016 21:30:49 GMT
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Whadak. Never knew his first name but his surname was Hunt. According to Nobby - my mechanic when I was an apprentice - he never believed any of the repairs had been done to his white XR3i and insisted that we putI it up on the ramps so he could ensure that all of his chalk marks had been disturbed before paying... Therefore earning the name Whadak Hunt..... There are so many more including:- Mr Hymen - all job cards had him as Buster. Plug - the ugliest human being ever seen. Tracy 2 Tits - a rather large lady who's Bras where several sizes too small therefore creating 2 where there should have been one... P. I think I must have done a job for "Whadak's " dad back in the 70s. An S type Jag it was, the 60s kind, and every single thing that should have been disturbed on a full service had tiny strips of white insulating tape stuck across them. I consulted with the foreman who decided the thing to do was to replace every bit of tape - and charge the idiot for the time it took! Oddly, we never saw him again! Steve |
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We don't have many although maybe we should try harder. "Daryl Fitton" is a stocky man in his 50s that always wears shirts unbuttoned to the sternum showing a good deal of fluffy white chest hair - no matter the weather; "Paddy Redbeard", which is quite self explanatory; and "The Mafia" or "The Bob Marleys" who are four or five Portuguese guys, a couple which have dreadlocks, and sometimes show up stoned, or at least looking like they're stoned. All good fun though.
Oh, we have "The Australian" who is a chap altogether too similar to my dad who lives nearby, walks past and stops in for a lengthy chat about how business is going the odd time. Nice guy, but we're busy!
"In your face man" stands almost nose-to-nose to you when discussing something. Usually diagnosing his old BMW for free while he buys a part that he will return about four days later.
"Drifter Paul" runs an S14 or S15 or something with a BMW gearbox, that I sponsor, in some drift series or other would you believe, the nicknames around here need work.
The better ones are the apprentices to be fair. We've got one lad called Helen and one called Jennifer/Audrey/Evelyn/Jonny3 as the mood requires. We've almost forgotten their real names. Jonny1 was an apprentice that lasted two weeks two years ago. He's fabulous craic but useless on the tools, and still calls in picking bits up sometimes.
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Jul 28, 2016 20:51:53 GMT
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Back when I was an apprentice mechanic, I got christened Candy, allegedly cos my mass of blond hair (gone but not forgotten, it WAS the early 70s) looked like candy floss.
So the only thing I could do was adopt it myself, signing jobcards and parts reciepts "Candy" in a flowing signature _ until a rocket came down from the boss's office "who the *£?! is Candy and when did she join the company?"
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At our local factors there was a guy who could not get paint mixes right on the scheme and usually got taken back for another go, he ended up with the nickname "Blind Pugh"
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alecf
Part of things
Posts: 424 
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Jul 29, 2016 21:17:53 GMT
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I was given the nickname 2 years back when competing in the boarders hillrally of 'alec 6 $hits fern'
After been seen to take many visits to the porta bog in the pits due to pre race nerves
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Jul 29, 2016 21:38:16 GMT
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This is fun reading !
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Nicknames...accord83
@accord83
Club Retro Rides Member 51
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I once worked with a Flub and a Blub. Flub was a Fat Lazy Useless Bas24rd. Blub was a Big Lazy Useless B... (but the F in Flub was sometimes a different F)
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74 Mk1 Escort 1360, 1971 Vauxhall Victor SL2000 Estate.
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rbs
Part of things
Posts: 64
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We had an old dear with a Corolla who had a new clutch fitted every year because when she set of it was at about 5000rpm with huge amounts of clutch slip. Can't remember her real name but we knew her as Mrs Rev Hardy.
We also had a man, real name Mr Hardon and a lady real name Mrs Wancke (pronounced wanky) Mr hardon traded his car in and Mrs Wancke bought it. True. Honest.
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Nicknames...Deleted
@Deleted
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Those are great names chaps.
I don't have many regular customers so names are set for work colleagues , 'Bertie' (surname Bassett), 'BB' as In Billy Bullshite he was BB2 s we already had one BB who was eventually requested to leave, 'Tony Tangent' because he goes off on a rant about everything, 'Pablo' is a workmate who has a place in spain so returns with lots of baccy (named after the dog in the drug smuggling advert), 'Shrek' because he looks like Shrek.
'traveller' because he is a traveller but apparently I'm not allowed to call him that and of course lets not forget 'Token' our one and only black member of staff.
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We used to have Mr Greengrass after the character in Heartbeat, Felix as he walked like the cartoon cat Felix, The smuggler (who liked Citreon BXs), named for obvious reasons, Wierd Al, Spider who was the most polite person you could hope to meet named on account of his many tattoos.
There used to be someone with a nickname something like Bullshitter who just couldn't tell the truth, when we heard he had died nobody believed it at first.
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You'd think as a plumber I'd meet some "interesting" people, but I don't seem to get many customers that I can give a nickname to, but here's the best I have... "The Captain" - Named by himself as he has a brass plaque at the front door telling everyone how he used to be a Captain. Not a Captain in the Commandos or some such, but in the catering corp . Seems to think that after I fixed the antiquated inlet valve on his toilet, I must have fiddled the toilet to break further, as 6 months later the similarly antiquated flush valve broke. "The shower sha**ers" - Called back time and time again to a shower that was leaking but couldn't see how, then on one visit I saw two sets of hand prints on the shower doors in "unusual" positions, and I realised that these two rather large people didn't use the shower just for washing, and the shower cubicle was only leaking under "stress" :s "Lou" - Not her real name, but Lou kept calling us out to fix her leaking toilet. After about the fifth time, we realised she was undoing the wingnuts on the cistern as she just wanted to see us. She didn't get many visitors, and wanted us to keep visiting her (We also called her the "Bunny Boiler" as she locked us in the house once when we tried to leave). "Breaker" - Probably the most unusual candidate, as "Breaker" called me to remove a pipe in the cloakroom. I told her that the pipe was from the stopcock and was feeding all the house, and taking it out meant no water at all. She agreed and said it was going all to be gutted anyway, and the pipes re-routed. I get on with the work and she is going around the house with a sledgehammer smashing threw the walls and doors. I got a call the following day asking why there's no water, so I pop back to talk options and find she has taken out all the internal walls downstairs, including the supporting wall  . I quickly get out of there and report her to the authorities. |
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1993 Fiat Panda Selecta
2003 Vauxhall Combo 1.7DI van
2006 Mercedes Kompressor Evolution-S AMG SportCoupé
"You think you hate it now, wait til you drive it"
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[/quote]I think I must have done a job for "Whadak's " dad back in the 70s. An S type Jag it was, the 60s kind, and every single thing that should have been disturbed on a full service had tiny strips of white insulating tape stuck across them. I consulted with the foreman who decided the thing to do was to replace every bit of tape - and charge the idiot for the time it took! Oddly, we never saw him again![/quote]  |
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Ich habe kein Geld!
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Not 'real' nicknames but Thais often shorten their names (or their parents do) so in the Bangkok office of a company I used to work for were two young ladies called Tick and Tock.
"Gary" was a country manager in the same office as above. He once had a driver called Gary and thereafter named them all the same. There was talk of him gong back to the UK and we had visions of him needing a car, so would go into a showroom, get in the back and enquire, "Where's the Gary?"
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x30xe
Part of things
Posts: 37
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Bill the Bolt : Senior project manager for a large construction firm rumbled by the NHBC inspector of all people tack welding bolt heads to I beam steels where bolts hadn't been put in before access was restricted! 9 storey steel frame building!
Madness : penchant for wearing baggy trousers to work
The T-Rex : because of his ability to metaphorically disembowl lesser mortals in meetings
The juganaut : Large breasted (female) MD who's ability to down pints was second to none.
Russel Crowe : aesthetic similarity
The Rhino : former buyer (female), 3 chins and two necks. Half black.
Loads more I can't remember...
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1999 S320 2000 740i 1999 728i 2000 V70 T5 2000 Disco II V8 2003 9-5 HOT Aero [let the smoke out  ] |
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Good god, I could go on years! I work in a builders merchant where anything and everyone has a nickname of some sort! One of our drivers is 'Not-so' as his surname is Manley, our transport manager is 'Dorothy Lamour' just because everything is such a dramatic act with him lol! Then we have 'Ravioli' the forklift driver (He's Sicilian), The manager is called 'Puddle Jumper' coz he is so shallow.... In the mill we have Dave 'Crazy Eyes' Wheeler, who looks like he's gonna stab u from behind the shower curtain!, Another driver is Dave 'Ginger Whinger' Long coz he is always moaning.... I could go on and on... |
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Last Edit: Aug 7, 2016 15:23:41 GMT by SmokeEm
96 E320 W210 Wafter - on 18" split Mono's - Sold :-(
10 Kia Ceed Sportwagon - Our new daily
03 Import Forester STi - Sold
98 W140 CL500 AMG - Brutal weekend bruiser! Sold :-(
99 E240 S210 Barge - Now sold
02 Accord 2.0SE - wife's old daily - gone in PX
88 P100 2.9efi Custom - Sold
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. I quickly get out of there and report her to the authorities.
]