Paul’s misadventures - speed kills, so I bought this

Just a mini update as not a great deal to report - swapped out the doughnuts at the rear with the smallest ones available - takes another half inch out of the back suspension.



Now in other news my heating seems to be stuck on hot - like many early 2000s Mercs it would seem that the heating is electronically controlled, not (as is the case in most of my jalopies) by a cable to a flap. Which would obviously be much simpler and reliable. Because German overengineering. It's not really been a problem since it's been so cold - and the roof conveys a certain element of built in aircon - but on long runs in the rain I'd rather not crack a window.

This tantalisingly accessible doodad is called a duo valve.



Each valve is devoted to one side of the car and controls the amount of coolant that flows through the heater core, allowing one fan at the front to blow hot whilst the other can blow cold(er). They are known to gunk up, break electrical coils and fail.

1st test - simply plug and unplug it with the keys in the ignition should make the solenoids inside click obviously. No noise from mine.

Opened mine up to find nothing especially gunky - the plungers were plunging freely, and nothing looks particularly grimy. If anything it's good evidence of using proper coolant over the 120k life of the car.



Brought out the multimeter to test for resistance - it would appear that there's an open circuit across both valves. So I'm guessing the coils are done. Replacement ordered off the bay.

What better way to spend your Boxing Day than changing out the front brakes on a 21 year old Merc?

Current set up was looking more than a bit tired


Brake discs were very lipped and I don't understand how the brake pad sensors haven't been set off. But they have worn evenly on both sides and pistons moved nice and freely.






That's more like it




Tomorrow if I'm feeling fruity I'll tackle the rears 😁

Can't believe it's been 3 months since I've been here - the Audi A2 has since had a rear brake and suspension refresh (shoes, cylinders, shocks and springs) and the SLK has been called into service as a daily for the missus whilst the Golf was off being repaired. 5 days old and some clown drove into the front of it at a petrol station. Whilst I was parked up having just put petrol in.

Anyways, with the RRG on the horizon I was aware that I lacked appropriate transport.

That's a lie - I just couldn't stomach taking the Buick all that way for it to get covered in dust and beached on a hill at the campsite. It lacks a certain practicality.

Finding myself with a wee bit of cash after some extra work my eyes were drawn - as they often are - to the murky world of Facebook marketplace. Contact was made and a viewing arranged.

The plucky Audi called into action for the 60-odd mile trip



I'm sure this is nothing to worry about



A deal was done with the owner (an enthusiast and attendee of the Weekender who actually parked opposite me on the track on the Sunday), details and moneys exchanged, and the return journey commenced.

The sky turned a somewhat darker hue on the way back...



And thus commenced perhaps the sketchiest return journey from collecting a new car I've ever had. Torrential downpours dominated pretty much the entire journey back, visibility was awful, huge pools of standing water kept me on my toes and several cars had come off the road up the M11...police, lane closures the works.

The Dartford Tunnel provided brief respite:



And a final sip of the dino juice before bed:



It's a 1997 Citroen Ax in 1.0l flavour (954cc of gallic fury). Being a late model it has a 5 speed gearbox and a sunroof (which last night proved is watertight. It's remarkably straight and remarkably basic (you want speakers in the front, central locking or power steering? This isn't for you, you decadent capitalist), only one area of rot that concerns me near a top mount, and managed the horrendous conditions admirably.

Plans? Well, my first instinct was the tried-and-tested rims and lows. However 3x98 stud pattern limits my options massively, and having seen it I'm just not sure that I want to modify. I'm actually leaning towards a more 'sympathetic' approach. It needs a few bits (cracked rear light, headlight hanging out) and I'd like to do a cambelt and water pump for peace of mind...other than that, just drive and enjoy!

952cc of gallic fury combined the smell of forlorn hope and, more alarmingly, petrol



Bluetooth gear knob an optional extra in 1997...the French once again being ahead of their time



This may need some attention



And this is just downright annoying. Door card will have to come off, which I'm not sure will happen in one piece. Can't unlock from the inside



Headlamp giving strong Marty Feldman vibes



Not a problem, just a broken clip of two



HOW SODDING MUCH!?!



Well, I've not got much choice. They're cheaper in France but I'll be waiting longer and the postage cancels out any saving.

In the meantime...the old adage, if it moves and it shouldn't...cable tie it:

You know you've reached a certain age when the highlight of your Friday is travelling 100 mile round trip to pick up some rear lights for your CamembertBox because they're cheap.

Old one


New hotness



That's a lovely shag



The AX came with only rear speakers. There's no capacity for them in the front...there doors aren't even built to accommodate them.

Cue the Maystar speakers that I had BNIB from an old garage clearance...




The wonders of stereophonic sound...and a cheeky period correct-ish Alpine stereo in place.

I even found an appropriate keyring



Less said about this gearbox leak the better...



I've slung a litre of 75w/80 in there, so if it's leaking oil I know it's got oil. That's another issue for another day 🤣

Knew it was too good to be true 😬

The gearbox is definitely less drippy but took 1 1/3 litres of 75w 80 (and the capacity is only 2 litres 🤣🤣🤣. I'd venture this is not a new issue.

Also we seem to have developed a weird flat spot in the rev range - giving it a bit of throttle and the revs begin to die, almost like fuel starvation. I put a new fuel filter on - but the old one looked suspiciously new.

I then went to the fuel pump (the symptoms being consistent with the Daihatsu HiJrt having a totally clogged sock on the fuel pump.




Well that's just great that is. Missing bolts and JB weld for days

Upon close inspection that 'repair' on the return line is definitely moist when running. I've ordered a good used one but not sure if it will be here in time for the RRG - and I don't know how I feel about a 250 mile round trip with petrol (even just a teeny amount) returning into the cab itself)

Pump didn't even look that bad, had definitely been replaced before, potentially by someone looking for the same issue I did.



I respect how instead of using insulated spade connectors they went with what I think is the plastic ring off a bottle of milk. I think.



I replaced it anyway with proper insulated connectors and refitted it (the wrong way round once but 2nd time's a charm 🤣) but the flat spot persists. It is intermittent and you can push through with enough gas, but definitely requires intervention.

Next thought was a sticky throttle potentiometer, but that's built into the side of the throttle body and can't be removed or inspected. If it goes then the whole TB needs replacing.

Current M.O. is to keep unplugging stuff and see if anything makes a difference 🤣

Doesn't have a MAF, but does have an AIT sensor. I'll unplug that and see how we get on 🙂

if its not sensing mass air flow it will be a speed density system, should have a MAP sensor somewhere, I'd suggest looking for air leaks and if you can get a scope on the throttle pot see if there are any points the signal drops out.

Ignoring all the above issues (why not?) I wasn't enamoured with the condition of the cambelt and there was no record of a change



But there was a water pump and cambelt in the boot!

Why were they in the boot you ask?

Well, because the cambelt was totally the wrong size 🤣

Still, I sourced a BNIB one for a princely £10 (same as an Austin Ambassador 😂) and set to work...

The setup is pretty simple...one engine mount out of the way (4 16mm bolts, not 17 obvs) single cam, and a 10mm drill bit through a hole in the camshaft to hold it in place.

It would have been even simpler had the massive ECU not kept getting in the way



I considered moving it (it's only 3 10mm nuts) but one captive kept spinning and the other made crunchy rusty noises the second I looked at it. Oh well.

Were it not for the chassis getting in the way 😂 it would be an hour or two's work, but with limited visibility there was a LOT of faffing raising and lowering the engine to get access to the cam cover and water pump bolts, and one grazed and scraped right arm.

New v old water pump - nothing dramatic but this one WAS the right part, so why not?



Refilling and bleeding the cooling system was a bit of a PITA since the different engines all had different bleed points according to the Haynes book of lies, and the one on the thermostat housing was cunningly disguised as a lump of rust 🤣. Never been so happy to hear that satisfying PSSSSSSHHH when I cracked open the right nut. That sounded more sexual than I intended.

So if the AX doesn't make it to the gathering it won't be because of a snapped cambelt.

I can't even replicate the rev range flat spot ATM - very odd. I've disconnected and reconnected a few things and checked the vacuum hoses over once...ideally I need it to come back 😬