This was the NAUGHTY CORNER

WEEKENDER GOODWOOD REPORT 2....

"It's called *Ocean Fresh*" she said, "It does a good job of masking those petrol fumes and oil" she said.

"I'll buy one" I said cheerfully. "I'd like to show my gratitude to the organisers via the purchase of some lovely merch" I explained, as she lifted one of the air fresheners out of the basket with special 5ft long tongs from behind a lead plated screen with a viewing hatch cut into it.

I was delighted.A memento of my weekend. A Retro-Rides air freshener. I started to feel odd as I walked away with it in my pocket. A bit melty. A bit warpy. I assumed it was sun stroke.

Hung it in my car just before I climbed into my tent for my first night of sub-zero temperature extreme noise terror survival camping.

Next morning, I got into my car - My back set by rigor mortis into the shape of a well churned and then sun-baked muddy field - and my car smelled like an inner city public lavatory after a brutal cleansing regime with industrial chemicals.

Halfway home I had no choice but to bin it because my corneas were delaminating, but even though its gone, the *Ocean Fresh* scent lingers in the very fibres of my fibre glass car. Even my tyres smell like bleach and napalm now. It has entangled itself into my finger nail material, it is under my skin, it has cloned and then replaced my hair. I don't know what happened to my eyebrows or eye lashes. They probably fell off somewhere near Arundel.

That is a weapons grade toilet cleaner of an air freshener.

I may now need to burn my car just to purge it. So the prophecy will have been fulfilled.

I was the Billy No Mates!
Even my chauffeur sat out an afternoon walk to find the BNMAC stand

Although in his defence, he did let me have a blat-I mean drive back to Tunbridge Wells in the Lexus V8 Excel

It was good to finally meet Sam, Johnnybravo and mr and mrs frankenhealey (and jr)

Gahhhh, Mk2Cossie... I didn't meet you either!

One thing that did surprise me about the weekend was that it seemed to me the vast majority of people were not actually people off the forum. Most people I spoke to on the campsite said they had seen the weekend advertised on FB and had no idea about the forum.

In my mind it was going to be everybody off the forum and everyone would know each other. I anticipated that it would be very much a group of friends and I would need to try and infiltrate it and destroy it. I quickly stopped assuming I would know people though after saying hello to a fair few and expecting them to be RR folks when they weren't at all.

Also, asking hired security personnel to let you get to the infield out of hours because you're looking for "a bstardchild" gets you some funny looks.

I reckon it might be a good idea next year for forum people to agree that they're going to wear a discreet tell-tale sign to mark themselves as a forum member.

Nothing mad, just a little coded visual nod, so forum members can stand some chance of meeting each other.

For example... We all agree to dress up as JR Ewing, or to wear stovepipe hats, or giant clown shoes.

Just something the trained eye can pick out in a crowd.

I've just had a shower, followed by a bath, and I can still smell that air freshener.

Do they have club stands at The Gathering?

They did last year, remember reading various threads in the build up

I could surround it with flashing LEDs and some tinsel maybe, help it stand out a bit more?

i"m going to wear a wig made of snakes.

I had a Johnny BravoT shirt on woo”Here’s Johnny” on the front . Too Subtle methinks ...

Glad I changed my mind now.