Embarassing Retro story

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Year ago when I was in my late teens I used to sit with a mate when we went out as he was still on "L's" as I didn't have a car (was into bikes) We used to frequent a country pub in the middle of essex and miles from any major roads and with no street lighting to speak off for miles

One night the phone rang at about 1130 - my old chap shouted it'll be for you (he wasn't happy with late night phone calls)

It was my mate asking if I would sit with him as he needed to go an help another mutual friend get his car out of the ditch near the pub (10 miles out in the countryside). I said sure and walked round to his house and off we went (he'd gathered another 2 people to help by this time).

It dawned on me that the area was a mass of small country roads all interlinked and it was going to be pretty hard to find a car in a ditch - I asked how the hell we were going to find it. My mate said he's gonna flash his lights every 10 mins - sure enough and right on cue a beam of light shone up into the clear night sky.

At this point I realised the the car might be at an interesting angle in the ditch!!!

We found it easily and couldn't believe what had happened

He'd borrowed his dads cortina 2.3 Auto cos he was away for a few days and after a couple of beers was driving home

- he'd dissconnected the speedo so the miles wouldn't give the game away so might have been going a tad bit fast for the corner

- lost it on the corner and had a bit of a tankslapper moment with the back end trying to overtake the front on one side then the other before finally in a vain attempt to correct what was going very AWOL he applied a bit too much lock resulting in the car clearing a ditch and landing on top of a low thicket hedge

Passenger in the front had bailed out on stopping - passengers in rear didn't and the whole car slid backward of the hedge and back end first into the ditch

Front wheels resting on the hedge - back end in 1 ft of water in a muddy ditch - headlights acting like search lights

So 8 of us in total dragged the back end out of the ditch and onto the road - with the assistance of a two rope and another car we tugged it back onto the road and off the hedge.

The car came down with a hell of a bang and certainly belly'd a bit on the edge of the ditch but once the mud was dug out of the exhaust pipe with a stick it started up and ran OK (albeit a bit smokey for a few seconds)

He drove it home via a 24hr garage with a Jet wash and washed it all down fearing some damage - not a scratch on the paint work so he drove home parked it back in the garage and never said a word to his dad when he returned a few days later.

You might think this is how the story ends but

2 months later the whole issue came back to haunt him when during a service at a main dealer his dad was informed that the whole of the underside of the car needed re-undersealing and a complete new exhaust system due to what appeared to be some contact with coarse tree like material - much of which was still stuck around a very squashed and damaged silencer box and the exposed transmission

I gather a full confession was extracted later that day!!!

OK, here's a couple of mine...

About 10 years ago I owned a pair of Datsun Sunny saloon, one being a W-reg brown 1.3 manual, and another being a 2-door X-reg 1.5 auto that I'd bought for £50 as a donor. I was only working as a petrol station attendent, so I thought I'd have the auto for spares as and when I needed them, so when the brake pads started grinding on the daily 1.3, I switched them out for the meaty ones of the auto.

For the next couple of weeks the brakeless Sunny sat on the driveway, until we had to move to a new flat half a mile down the road. No problem, enlisted the the help of g/f's cousin to sit in the auto and use the handbrake whilst I towed it with the daily.

A couple hundred yards of good progress, and then a BANG and the load behind suddenly getting much harder to pull. Jumped on the brakes, only to see one of the front wheels overtaking me, rolling up the curb nad gracefully through one of those daft 8" high while plastic chainlink 'fences' only to land at the feet of an old boy mowing his lawn.

Much redfaceness as I recovered said wheel with an apologetic 'sorry mate', quickly jacking the car up and boshing the wheel back on, because I'd forgetten to put all but one loose wheel nut on after nicking the pads.

Couple of months later, after the Sunny had been laid up in the communal car park and then 'flyered' by the council as a dumped car, g/f's aunt volunteered her driveway.

A problem though, is that I foolishly left the hanbrake on, and now the shoes are getting very intimate with the drums and it refuses to budge via tow rope.

I have a cunning plan, however, as the auto is a runner, I'll bosh the battery out of the daily in and 'rock' it in and out of drive to break the friction on the brakes. The car starts first time, another testimony to Datsuns since its been about 4 months since started before.

So, as the car is facing a wall, into Reverse and a quick stab of the throttle......nothing! A bigger stab.....nope! So three succesive stabs of full throttle, and finally the shoes broke loose and the Sunny shot backwards across the carpark towards a neighbours car. In a panic, I knock it into drive instead of neutral and forget the brake aint there.

BANG, straight through the 5ft wall surrounding the flats. Luckily there were no kids playing one the green the other side.

No-one came out to see what was going on, so I reversed it quickly back into the carpark, and drove it (no tax, MOT, insurance, or of course brakes!) the few hundred yards to auntioes house (very foolish, I know, I'm much more repsonsible now!)

No-one ever came knocking on my door to ask about the wall, and the council built it back up a couple of weeks later!