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Sept 28, 2011 6:36:13 GMT
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I carry 2 in my van at all times, thats fault diagnosis pre with vast collection of ODB 1 and fair bit of OBD II Best of all it tells me how and where to bridge terminals to get the fault code Then there is a vast aray that my dad got over the years there was over 300 in one place now there is around 250 with loads littered round all over.
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Some days you just need to take a grinder to an inanimate object, just to make your day a tiny bit better!!
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ChasR
RR Helper
motivation
Posts: 10,244
Club RR Member Number: 170
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Show us yer Haynes manuals...ChasR
@chasr
Club Retro Rides Member 170
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Sept 28, 2011 9:21:21 GMT
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I only have two manuals (of the 306 that is) since I bought one when I had my GTi-6, and then when I bought a good year later a friend's 306 DT I also acquired his manual! It was handy mind you at times!
Beetle manuals is only due to me buying a 1200 Beetle that had a 1300 TP engine fitted. PO (an old painting friend (RIP)) gave them to me when he sold me the car.
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Last Edit: Sept 28, 2011 9:22:23 GMT by ChasR
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Sept 28, 2011 15:58:21 GMT
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only got about 15, but I love the older manuals! Two brilliant examples from the Volvo 340 manual: Can't imagine them telling you to take a hacksaw to a brand new merc to make things easier nowadays eh? And from the 1st gen RX7 manual: CHECK OUT THAT HAIR!!
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You're like a crazy backyard genius!
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Sept 28, 2011 16:00:12 GMT
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Ads 19
Posted a lot
My old r19
Posts: 1,351
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Sept 28, 2011 20:48:31 GMT
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I nomally i find a duplicate manual under the rear seats or in boot of most of my cars, that said when they get covered in bodily and car fluids, they can live again as great document wallets. nearly stopped me losing v5cs
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JohnK
North East
Posts: 470
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Sept 28, 2011 21:05:03 GMT
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I have quite a few kicking around, although I would question why you all have them on shelves and not lying in puddles of grease and covered in oily fingerprints? Or am I the only one that uses them and then leaves them lying wherever that car was last worked on? I once discarded a Haynes Manual for a Ford Transit after a damp problem on the back wall of my old unit ruined it - I'd had my mates Transit pulled right to the front of the unit and just kinda kicked the manual out of the way when I'd finished the job. 2 years later and a rather soggy, smelly and heavy manual was removed...
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Last Edit: Sept 28, 2011 21:05:33 GMT by JohnK
------------------------------------------- 1999 'V' Rover 620Ti 1999 'T' Mercedes E55 AMG 1997 'R' Ford Probe 24v 1994 'M' Nissan Maxima 3.0 1992 'J' Honda Prelude 2.0iS 1986 'C' BMW 728i Auto 1985 'C' Talbot Solara 1.6 Minx 1984 'A' Talbot Horizon LE Ultra 1.3 1978 'S' Ford Cortina 1.6 GL
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Sept 29, 2011 21:37:15 GMT
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mysterymachine would you like another 1000 for area 52? Don't have it in me to bin them. tried selling them, had no interest (though was at a scout book sale when i was 13).
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speedy88
Club Retro Rides Member
"Nice Cortina mate"
Posts: 2,296
Club RR Member Number: 118
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Show us yer Haynes manuals...speedy88
@speedy88
Club Retro Rides Member 118
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Sept 29, 2011 22:09:59 GMT
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Haha yeah, the book of lies for the 300 is pretty special. That and most of it's instructions are just plain wrong and sometimes backwards. Perhaps it was written by the clientel? (Old, senile people)
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Sept 29, 2011 22:29:57 GMT
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Haha yeah, the book of lies for the 300 is pretty special. That and most of it's instructions are just plain wrong and sometimes backwards. Perhaps it was written by the clientel? (Old, senile people) I like step 15 in the pic. "Gently tap around the edge of the screen and weatherstrip using a rubber mallet to settle the seal in the frame. For a diy man reading this manual it says, "hit edge of screen and rubber bit with a hammer to get it in".
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I'll probably just leave this here..... ;D
Haynes Manuals Translations
Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise.
Translation: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer anticlockwise.
Haynes: This is a snug fit.
Translation: You will skin your knuckles!
Haynes: This is a tight fit.
Translation: Not a hope in hell matey!
Haynes: As described in Chapter 7...
Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start, now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox.
Haynes: Pry...
Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into...
Haynes: Undo...
Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (catering size).
Haynes: Retain tiny spring...
Translation: "Jeez what was that, it nearly had my eye out"!
Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb...
Translation: OK - that's the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers to dig out the bayonet part.
Haynes: Lightly...
Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead are throbbing them re-check the manual because this can not be 'lightly' what you are doing now.
Haynes: Weekly checks...
Translation: If it isn't broken don't fix it!
Haynes: Routine maintenance...
Translation: If it isn't broken... it's about to be!
Haynes: One spanner rating.
Translation: Your Mum could do this... so how did you manage to botch it up?
Haynes: Two spanner rating.
Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low, tiny, likkle number... but you also thought the wiring diagram was a map of the Tokyo underground (in fact that would have been more use to you).
Haynes: Three spanner rating.
Translation: But Nova's are easy to maintain right... right? So you think three Nova spanners has got to be like a 'regular car' two spanner job.
Haynes: Four spanner rating.
Translation: You are seriously considering this aren't you, you pleb!
Haynes: Five spanner rating.
Translation: OK - but don't expect us to ride in it afterwards!!!
Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this...
Translation:hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Haynes: Compress...
Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on, swear at, throw at the garage wall, then search in the dark corner of the garage for, whilst muttering "curse word" repeatedly under your breath.
Haynes: Inspect...
Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep, as I thought, it's going to need a new one"!
Haynes: Carefully...
Translation: You are about to cut yourself!
Haynes: Retaining nut...
Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust.
Haynes: Get an assistant...
Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.
Haynes: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark plugs removed.
Translation:However, starting the engine afterwards will be much harder. Once that sinking pit of your stomach feeling has subsided, you can start to feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark plugs.
Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.
Translation: But you swear in different places.
Haynes: Prise away plastic locating pegs...
Translation: Snap off...
Haynes: Using a suitable drift...
Translation: The biggest nail in your tool box isn't a suitable drift!
Haynes: Everyday toolkit
Translation: Ensure you have an RAC Card & Mobile Phone
Haynes: Apply moderate heat...
Translation: Placing your mouth near it and huffing isn't moderate heat.
Haynes: Index
Translation: List of all the things in the book except the thing you want to do!
For Added Haynes Fun: Go to the first section, Safety First, and read the bit about Hydrofluoric Acid - do you really want the advice of a book that uses this form of understatement???!!?
NB:Haynes Manuals are copyright of a very disturbed sadist.
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Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal. Translation: But you swear in different places. Ha!
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