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we had a car salesman that used to hide in the boots of cars in the showroom, a customer would walk by and he'd jump out and say 'Good morning 'very loudly. it worked strangely enough , he did quite well.
his other trick was if someone came in for directions he'd make them follow him round the showroom as he traced out a scale map on the floor. Can you imagine a hairy motorbike courier following a slightly camp salesman round a showroom, its hilarious.
Another time, we had a travelling circus in town and the owner was a bit rough for a woman. but she always bought a new car from our salesman bob when she was in town. she wandered in one day and at the top of her voice exclaimed 'Bob about? " to which me and the service guy did just that, we bobbed about up and down, she did not see the funny side of it.
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A college one this time...
One of the lads in my group had left his boots outside the workshop door over lunch. Innocent enough, but foiled by the rather heavy rain storm which occurred not long after he left them.
Returning 45 minutes later he found them full of water, with the fleecy lining retaining quite a bit of moisture after they'd been poured out. A quick scout round the workshop led him to the conclusion the oxy-acetelene torch held just in the rim of each boot was just what he needed to dry them out toot sweet, and so he set too with a cutting nozzle and a neutral flame.
It doesn't take a genius to realise the lining of both boots went up in flames fairly quickly, and burned fairly well considering. Gas off, and a bit of panicked fire suppression saw a group of us staring at a pair of smouldering boots stood in the middle of the workshop, around this time the workshop door opens and one of our instructors walks in. The expected bollocking doesn't occur, and instead -without breaking his stride- we see a slight sideways glance followed with a quip of 'Hmm, controlled explosion' as he disappeared through the door into the welding shop.
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When I was a trainee mechanic my boss took a customers Merc home for the night as a test run, unfortunately it got broken into on his driveway and the stereo was stolen, they made quite a mess of the console. It was my job to help try and repair it with new fangled super glue that my other boss shoved in every split and crack. When it came time to let go I was extremely stuck to the full length console, to the point it had to be removed and myself and my new best friend were taken to A and E, my boss wouldn't sit with me but at least I had my own ash tray. When the nurse called me in and told me I could leave my console outside the whole place erupted as I explained why I couldn't and walked in with it under my arm. Happy days......
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Does weeing in the bosses tea count as a jolly jape?
Hiding all the porn mags in the workshop lavvy and replacing them with a gay porn mag made a few people claim to feel ill.
Accidentally dropping the wiper arm on a customers Audi and cracking the screen. Mad panic, and a huge argument over who was going to break the news to the owner, a Mr Geoff Capes Esq.
And my favourite. Not a wheeze, bit still funny. One of pur lads had a bad stammer. When the windscreen man came to replace Mr Capes' windscreen he too had a stammer. We said to our man, "hey, Tom, he's taking the curse word out of you", and the most almighty fist fight erupted because each though the other was taking the mickey. It actually got quite nasty so we had to break them up.
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mfrv1
Part of things
Posts: 267
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Work boots in the break room freezer overnight. Spraying brake cleaner on a techies , then stand next to them with a lighter once they've noticed. Airline powered blow guns, firing ball bearings across the workshop. Setting off air horns whilst someone is on the crapper. No wonder I'm paranoid.
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Having this done to my kit car just before home time one day... They even labelled it for me. In the six or seven years I was taking it to work it got filled with packing 'prawns' and pallet wrapped more than once.
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1988 DUTTON LEGERRA MK1 - SPARES DONOR 1989 DUTTON LEGERRA MK2 - CURRENT PROJECT 1990 DUTTON LEGERRA ZS MK2 1990 DUTTON LEGERRA ZS MK2 DUTTON PHAETON S2 - Resting DUTTON PHAETON S4 - Resting DUTTON PHAETON S4 - PROJECT X DUTTON SIERRA S2 - Resting
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At a transport company I used to haul for, the warehouse lads decided that the Mini belonging to the MD's secretary would look way better on top of a stack of containers.
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njw
Part of things
Posts: 226
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A college one this time... One of the lads in my group had left his boots outside the workshop door over lunch. Innocent enough, but foiled by the rather heavy rain storm which occurred not long after he left them. Returning 45 minutes later he found them full of water, with the fleecy lining retaining quite a bit of moisture after they'd been poured out. A quick scout round the workshop led him to the conclusion the oxy-acetelene torch held just in the rim of each boot was just what he needed to dry them out toot sweet, and so he set too with a cutting nozzle and a neutral flame. It doesn't take a genius to realise the lining of both boots went up in flames fairly quickly, and burned fairly well considering. Gas off, and a bit of panicked fire suppression saw a group of us staring at a pair of smouldering boots stood in the middle of the workshop, around this time the workshop door opens and one of our instructors walks in. The expected bollocking doesn't occur, and instead -without breaking his stride- we see a slight sideways glance followed with a quip of 'Hmm, controlled explosion' as he disappeared through the door into the welding shop. I had an instructor who wasn't your 'average' instructor shall we say? He once caught a guy snooping around the locker room, trying the doors on the lockers, rather than just telling him to f*ck off he shut him in the room and got about five or six of the biggest guys on the course to go in and 'have a word' whilst he stood outside keeping watch. He was Australian if that makes any difference (the college instructor, not the theiving barsteward!).
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Last Edit: Jul 7, 2017 21:38:39 GMT by njw
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Making sure the service managers car was in the furthest corner of the workshop on a Friday afternoon before breaking out the grey floor paint. Sorry Boss, we didn't realise...
One of the Fossils (trade talk for older, usually bearded mechanics) was a hulking great bloke. A nice guy, but a bog old farmer boy with a volcanic temper. There was a gobby young Herbert in parts, and when he came out giving it the large wed always steer the conversation to make it seem he was insulting the fossil. "Hey, Foss, Mike just called you a walanker." A deep bass voice would growl back, "did he now, the little ****. Where is he?", as the manacingky advanced across the workshop slapping a breaker bar in has hand. We once had a customer get threatening with one of the service advisers who was a nice, but timid lad, so we shouted " Foss, the guy in the black jacket at then counter called you a walanker!"
"Did he now...?", came the reply as he picked up the breaker bar and headed for the counter...
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Could fill a book with the workshop antics - if you had a car you were fair game in fact if you had anything with wheels you were fair game - I used the cycle in the summer to do the six mile round trip to work, it was a fairly pleasant ride apart from when you find that said bike is not where you left it one Friday clocking off time - looked / asked all over - No one had seen anything - walked home - walked back on Saturday for the half day shift had another good look every where - huge place - Filling station, MOT & service, bodyshop, recovery business, large salvage yard etc - nothing must have got nicked then - went down the police station - reported it, took them pics in the following day - a week went by - was called down from the bodyshop to help shunt a few motors in the yard (when busy the recovery business took priority - motors just got dropped anywhere in the yard so it minimised any downtime on the recovery trucks) - worked fine until the yard became grid locked every few weeks - was informed that we needed to drag a Leyland Terrier 7.5 ton box truck to the front of yard has we were forward recovering it to a place of repair - could I hook it up to the recovery truck and ready it for the off - had to move half a dozen dead cars to get to it (we had a all terrain fork lift for this task) got the box truck hooked up to the recovery truck - plugged the air line in for the brakes - checked for any loose bits and secured them - last job was to hook the light board on the back of the truck being towed - I went into the office and told the boss that it was good to go - he said have you checked the load area - no I replied - well better to check it just in case there is anything in the back that's loose etc - ok, I went outside put the roller shutter up and the load area was empty - with the exception of my bike that is - Sods !! had me walking to work everyday for a week (I had taken the car off the road to do some work on it) Had to go back down the plod shop red faced and report it unstolen - sods again they had me all week with 'at least you are stretching your legs' etc - sods
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Last Edit: Jul 8, 2017 20:55:46 GMT by Deleted
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Acetylene bombs were a regular occurrence - plastic bread bag that your lunch came in, form a balloon out of it by filling it with 70% acetylene & 30% oxygen - tie it off - masking tape it to the paintshop steel door - masking tape fuse of 2 foot and await the sonic boom when you lit the fuse
If you had car with old style hub caps they would put a put a handful of gravel in each cap - has you drove down the road the car sounded like a cross between a asthmatic cement mixer and a motorised snare drum
Grease under the door handle on the drivers door was a favourite
A couple of whole prawns in the heater ducts worked if you had a strong dislike for someone
If you left your Tupperware lunch about on your bench chances are that whilst you were elsewhere that someone would remove the lunch - bolt your lunch box down to the bench and then neatly replace your lunch
When canter lever toolboxes were the rage times many if you left early or were only doing half a day the following morning you would find the toolbox lid either pop riveted or welded shut
Once jumped in the car to leave work, started it up, in gear, clutch out - went nowhere - reverse = nowhere, rev'ed the engine = nowhere - car was raised on blocks so that the wheels were just off the ground
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I worked for a rally team for a bit as a kid, repairing the cars and building them . Mk Golf Gti had slipped the timing belt so was off the road .I was using a £85 A reg faded red/pin nova which had had the 3/4 panel stuffed in then knocked out with a ballpein
Nice .
Anyway , i went to leave work one day and it had huge white red and green ' CASTROL' down both sides from front to back . I was supposed to be going out with my missus as soon as i got hope so had to drive 30 miles home looking even more like a tool before i could get it off.
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Not workshop but acetylene related. When we still did the Le Mans pilgrimage, we always wound up near a group of guys from Tamworth. Most of them were shopfitters so had all the kit and caboodle. Pull up in a 7.5 tonner unload, get to work with the cordless and voila, one large marquee, complete with bar (and sign - "The W*nkers Arms"), wide screen TV, satellite dish and outdoor swimming pool. One of them had a bit of a thing for blowing things up using acetylene filled bin bags, a broken light bulb, lots of two core wire and a car battery, there was little that was safe or sacred. His piece de resistance came when one year he also had a bottle of helium, which meant he could now go for aerial targets, such as police helicopters, then came the blow-up doll. There she was, floating majestically above the campsite when BOOM, lady parts everywhere and lying in the middle of the track at Maison Blanche was her left nork! Fortunately, this was before the race began. It was found the following morning by a very confused marshal!
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Last Edit: Jul 9, 2017 1:39:31 GMT by georgeb
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When undertaking major accident damage to motors we had a 'Carbench' jig in the bodyshop - it's a specialist piece of kit built around a four post ramp with a frame on the ramp bed - with the car on the ramp, cross beams would be set into to position and bolted off the beams would be a specific set of brackets to locate / hold the vehicle under repair at strategic points - so bolted up all of the car would be stripped of anything in the way of the repair - primarily vehicles with front end damage would have the engine / box & all the front suspension dropped out of them - any panels that could be pulled back into position using a hydraulic mounted arm that utilised chains and special clamps on to the panels / chassis leg etc - typically one side would be jigged back into correct alignment and the other side chassis leg / inner wing would be replaced with new. You had to re-panel the vehicle by fitting everything loose first - held in place with clamps / molegrips / self tappers & the jig brackets - with all the structural / internal panels loose fitted you would mount the outer panels and make sure that they all fitted / aperture gapped correctly - once you were happy with the panel fit & alignment you could start welding which was still being done by gas in those days (MIG was in it's in it's infancy) - the interior would be stripped of its seats / carpets / sound deadening etc - when welding the structural panels you would keep moving and tacking in different areas to avoid heat distortion - but you would be stood inside the engine bay - the bonnet would be propped up with a brush tail - you would have a young apprentice inside the car on fire watch duty and to tap out on the bulkhead if needed when welding - you would have to stop every 5 minutes or so and climb out of the engine bay and check the closure on the outer panels to make sure nothing was going out of line etc - adjust if required, climb back in the engine bay and carry on - when you were doubled up in the most awkward position to get the weld on the chassis leg in the most awkward corner - with your dark welding goggles on and concentrating on whet you were doing - one of the painters would walk over armed with a empty 5 gallon thinners drum and a length of 4" x 3" timber which would make contact with each other - the boom would send you into a sequence of standing up at the same time the brush tail supporting the bonnet would be whipped away - bonnet now landing on your head whilst the welding torch which is still alight is on the floor and setting fire to your boots / bottom of your overalls - just has you have managed to scramble and turn the welding torch off they would be another ho so helpful workshop bod shouting fire whilst throwing a full bucket of water through the front panel of the car at which point you would stand back up with the shock of being soaked and bang your head on the now closed bonnet for the second time - meanwhile the rest of the workshop are holding their sides in with laughter whilst you climb out the engine bay whilst trying to hold the bonnet open - bruised head, wet through and your boots still smouldering !
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The bicycle story reminds me of a couple of others that have happened at work.
Chaps bike goes missing one day, he finds it hanging on the flag pole next to the wind sock on the roof of the main shed.
Same bike goes missing again. This time found, then reassembled after an hour long scavenger hunt around the yard.
Different bike, same owner, same practical joker. 'Tyres on your bike are looking a bit flat chap, best blow em up.'
Not being particularly au fait with these things asks for the best pressure, and goes along with it when 100psi is suggested.
Surprisingly they inflate that far, and he makes it about 30 yards out of the shed door on the bike before the wheels detonate, leaving very little asides some mangled spokes hanging from the hubs, and said cyclist lieing in a heap atop it.
Makes my writing 'Juicy' across the back bumper of said jokers 3 Series Bimmer in the assorted road grime seem pretty tame really.
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mfrv1
Part of things
Posts: 267
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A minor one: An oversized exhaust clamp left to rattle on the recipients' way home.
A 'My Little Pony' which was found in the car park becoming a bonnet mascot on the techies beloved 3 Series.
Some cracking tales in this thread,it must be said.
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tay14
Part of things
Posts: 44
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Last year we sent the new apprentice for a long stand. A old one but he fell for it and stood at the stores for about a hour. About a month after we again sent him for a long stand to hold the digger buckets up. He was there around 30 mins one the boss came to ask what he was doing,he explained and the boss said to him there winding you up again!!!!his reply was "no this time there serious boss" The boss just chuckled and left him there abit longer.
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I've heard of an apprentice having the zip of their overalls welded up last thing on Friday afternoon while said apprentice is still in them. Also heard of an apprentice having a broom handle shoved up one sleeve of his overalls, across his back and out the other sleeve, before being hoiked up 20ft in the air by the overhead crane and left there over lunch. Fibreglass resin slapped all over a workmates balls was apparently common on their last day at work before their wedding. Dilemma of try to get it off hot and risk spreading it further or wait for it to set and having scorched balls and having to rip your pubes out. Best one was the apprentice told to collect all the sulphur from match heads to play a joke on someone else. Apprentice sits in the lav with a piece of foil on his lap, using a Stanley knife to scrape the pink flammable bit off the matches and into the foil. Apprentice gets good at this and starts speeding up and up. Eventually the knife gets warm enough and fast enough to ignite one of the matches, which gets dropped into an hour's worth of match head shavings. When the fire bell had stopped and the roll call had been taken, apprentice is found with no eyebrows or lashes...
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1968 Cal Look Beetle - 2007cc motor - 14.45@93mph in full street trim 1970-ish Karmann Beetle cabriolet - project soon to be re-started. 1986 Scirocco - big plans, one day!
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I was one of two smokers in our workshop. One day, as often happens, The Devil took control of me and I made the other chap a roll up full of powdered match heads. You can guess the rest.
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Loving some of the stories coming out in this thread.
I'm seeing quite a few parallels to my own experience in some of them.
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