BT
Posted a lot
Posts: 1,772
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Jun 23, 2016 21:33:16 GMT
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One of our better electricians (lol) had a light come up on his dash of his vitara?, not knowing what the light meant,he pulled into a service station, checked the oil level, and found it to be low, so he topped it up, he has a 40 mile slap down the M1 so off he went, shortly afterwards, it filled with smoke, pulled over and switched off with the key, nothing happened, he had a runaway engine due to having filled it to the top of the filler, and the engine was now dieseling on its own oil, eventually the thing burst into flames and he had to call the fire brigade, which caused the M1 to be shut on a monday morning rush hour, Ooooops Well that answers my question above on diesels running away with too much oil then haha.
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Jun 23, 2016 21:45:06 GMT
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We had a maestro diesel, my partner went to work and rang me to say there was a funny noise and the brakes felt 'funny' He worked in a secure government premises and unauthorised people are not allowed in. He negotiated 10 mins for me to enter with the gate security to have a look. The rear drum had sheered off, leaving the bearings and nut on the shaft and the wheel was just hanging on with the wheel right out of the arch! I jacked it up, hit it back on and left giving instructions to give me a ring as soon as he got out of work and drive carefully to the gate. I was shocked when he walked in the door.......'oh, I thought you meant give you a ring if it fell off as I was heading for the gate'! I went out and as I started to jack it up.....it fell off!!
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awoo
Posted a lot
Posts: 1,505
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Jun 23, 2016 21:54:50 GMT
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Jun 23, 2016 22:13:41 GMT
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OK, that's hilarious! (although I'm not going to read all 162 pages). I wonder if anyone ever drunk the fuel additive?
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Jun 23, 2016 22:37:06 GMT
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When I was a kid my Dad picked me up from school and on the way home stopped by the petrol station. While filling up a very nice beetle rolls up to the compressor. A woman gets out and opens up the engine over with the tyre inflator in hand. She walks over to my Dad and asks where the air goes. In the tyres my Dad replies, no for the engine she says. Turns out some prankster she works with convinced her to top up her air cooled engine at the garage.
I used to work at a scrapyard during school and college hols. The amount of people that try to fit parts from other cars that aren't from their model or even make was shocking. Also turning up with no tools,not because they forgot,but that they never owned any. Once had a guy ask for an alternator for a red car. I was draining petrol from a car once and a bloke stood next to me smoking,he didn't believe petrol was flammable.
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Jun 23, 2016 22:50:21 GMT
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I helped some old dear put air in her tyres in the local garage last year, she'd asked the guy on the garage for help and he refused, (he was a grumpy curse word) and when she asked how much air should be in them he'd told her the needle will get to the end of the guage when they're full, and wether he was being sarcastic or not she took his word, I put in a complaint about that cos had she had the faculties to bend down and do it herself she'd have done herself and car some serious harm.
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Jun 23, 2016 23:33:34 GMT
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When I was a kid my Dad picked me up from school and on the way home stopped by the petrol station. While filling up a very nice beetle rolls up to the compressor. A woman gets out and opens up the engine over with the tyre inflator in hand. She walks over to my Dad and asks where the air goes. In the tyres my Dad replies, no for the engine she says. Turns out some prankster she works with convinced her to top up her air cooled engine at the garage. I used to work at a scrapyard during school and college hols. The amount of people that try to fit parts from other cars that aren't from their model or even make was shocking. Also turning up with no tools,not because they forgot,but that they never owned any. Once had a guy ask for an alternator for a red car. I was draining petrol from a car once and a bloke stood next to me smoking,he didn't believe petrol was flammable. The alternator guy puts me in mind of a conversation I once overheard in a cafe which went something like this; Old lady 1: "My Denise has just got a new car." Old lady 2: "That's nice, what kind is it?" Old lady 1: "A black one." Old lady 2: "Ooh, my David used to have a black one, they're lovely aren't they."
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I worked with a girl who after asking me what oil her car needed preceded to fill the engine until oil was visible under the filler cap. Near on 20 litres apparently. Seems this is quite a common mistake. A friend of mine did that, drove it too, needless to say it started to smoke within minutes of being started from what I heard from him.
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One of our friends always told us how engine savvy he was. Blew an engine once and rebuilt it himself. I advised him what to set the tappets to and went around for the grand start up the next day. Pops, bangs, flames shooting out of the top if the carb. Then KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK from the bottom end.
Turns out, he didn't turn the crank over to set the tappets and just done them in situ, and didn't notice the very bent crank shaft. We built the next one for him, haha!
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My contribution goes thus. When I was an apprentice at Ford ( many aeons ago now), we had a car workshop & a commercial workshop on the same site. One of the guys - in commercial, was doing an oil change on a truck, & as you'll appreciate, they take a lot of litres of oil. As many of you will remember, they have these automatic oil dispensers, on a hose from the ceiling. Dial in the amount & pull the trigger. You can guess what's coming next eh ?? The guy was trying to do another job at the same time - so thought it'd be a good idea to hold the trigger open with a cable tie............ Walked away & promptly forgot about it. Half way through lunch break, there was an almighty yelling & screaming coming from the commercial workshops. We all went running - to find the sunken truck bay about 6 inches deep in engine oil............Hahahaha, how we all laughed at this poor guys situation. There would have been hundreds, if not thousands of litres of wasted oil filling the bay.
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Davey
Posted a lot
Resident Tyre Nerd.
Posts: 2,234
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My contribution goes thus. When I was an apprentice at Ford ( many aeons ago now), we had a car workshop & a commercial workshop on the same site. One of the guys - in commercial, was doing an oil change on a truck, & as you'll appreciate, they take a lot of litres of oil. As many of you will remember, they have these automatic oil dispensers, on a hose from the ceiling. Dial in the amount & pull the trigger. You can guess what's coming next eh ?? The guy was trying to do another job at the same time - so thought it'd be a good idea to hold the trigger open with a cable tie............ Walked away & promptly forgot about it. Half way through lunch break, there was an almighty yelling & screaming coming from the commercial workshops. We all went running - to find the sunken truck bay about 6 inches deep in engine oil............Hahahaha, how we all laughed at this poor guys situation. There would have been hundreds, if not thousands of litres of wasted oil filling the bay. Marvelous! Haha. Working in a garage for a few years really highlights how inept some people are. I had to repair an l200 farm truck that had cable ties holding the u bolts in place on the rear axle because the locating dowel on the axle had ovaled the leaf spring to the point it had 3 inches of movement. Guy only brought the truck in because the wheels were hitting the arches when he pulled off not just moving back any more..
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K11 Micra x3 - Mk3 astra - Seat Marbella - Mk6 Escort estate - B5 Passat - Alfa 156 estate - E36 compact Mk2 MR2 T-bar - E46 328i - Skoda Superb - Fiat seicento - 6n2 Polo - 6n polo 1.6 - Mk1 GS300 EU8 civic type S - MG ZT cdti - R56 MINI Cooper S - Audi A3 8p - Jaguar XF (X250) - FN2 Civic Type R - Mk2 2.0i Ford Focus
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Jun 24, 2016 17:25:31 GMT
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I had two good mates in college (they are still good mates, of course). Mate A and Mate B. B had just bought a 9N Polo and knows absolutely nothing about cars. A knows nothing about cars but pretends to know everything.
So B is going on about how his brake check light is on, and asks me to help him. Mate A decided that he was a far better person for the job and told B that his rear shoes needed replaced.
Well about a week later I get a phone call from A: 'Jack, I'm trying to get B's rear drum off but it isnt budging. Hammered it and used a screwdriver but it wont come off' to which I quickly said 'Have you got the handbrake off yet'..... 'no'. So I never let him forget that. But it doesnt end there.
He changed his shoes but the light was still on. B said to me his car felt slower and it was smelly. So he came round mine for a look. A had wound the handbrake adjuster all the way out and hammered the drum over the shoes so the rear drivers brake was jammed on... for about 100 miles. Not only that, he left his magnetic tray attached to the shock. I fixed everything but the light was still on.
Quick inspection of the front brakes showed that the wear sensor plug was broken putting the light on. Quick rewire and it was fixed.
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Jun 24, 2016 17:32:53 GMT
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Another one actually. My girlfriends, sisters boyfriend (I'm sure you are aware that when you are into cars you become the local cheap mechanic to anyone within the 4th removed family) wanted me to check his car over because it was leaking oil and was knocking from the rear.
He came over and it was hosing from the oil pressure sensor. Ordered the part because it was like £6, and gave it a drive to find it was knocking... from the front. Droplinks to be exact, because I have changed about 6 pairs on various knocking corsa D's that my mates have had the misfortune of owning.
He went to leave again and said 'I better top up my oil then because the light is on'. Well I watched him get a random grade of Asda oil from the boot and pour a couple of sloshes in, started the car and said 'thats it off now'. I asked if he'd ever checked the dipstick, to which he replied that he didnt know what it was. Well I showed him and we poured about 1.5 litres in until it was reading correctly. He said he just waited til the light came on then put a splash in. He also said he just picked up the first bottle of oil he saw. So he had about 4 different grades. He traded it in a week later for a new Fiesta ST.
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MonzaPhil
Posted a lot
Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought
Posts: 2,456
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Jun 24, 2016 19:30:41 GMT
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Today, someone asked what the firing order is on a Vespa.
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This is now a clicky linky!
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awoo
Posted a lot
Posts: 1,505
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Jun 24, 2016 20:59:55 GMT
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Just remembered another one, nice but dippy mate had a prelude. He drove over to our other mate who works at Honda.
He asked Honda mate if he could take a look at the car as he thinks the brakes might be binding.
Honda mate took a look, promptly noticed the front passenger tyre was totally shredded and hanging off the wheel....
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Jun 24, 2016 21:25:31 GMT
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I'm no expert myself,tho whilst working in lemington spa a few years back i bought an old sierra to smoke about in, wheels were badly out of line so called in to a local tyre place (KWIK FIT) young lad came racing over and i explained my problem, first statement from him" that's front wheel drive that's an easy fix" They train them well !!
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Jun 24, 2016 21:53:15 GMT
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I was in the trade as a boy in the late 70's early 80's and many of these things were described then. So probably happened at some stage but not sure as often as a remembered. I was told of the handbag holder choke, oil to the top , via the dipstick etc a number of times back then. Of course these days you can go on the web of lies and get accurate tutorials on how to do stuff
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Needs a bigger hammer mate.......
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Jun 24, 2016 21:55:27 GMT
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Mum have a wee drama with her car a while ago, her version- fell off the road, drove through the grass a bit & back on the road, hmmmm car still runs drove the 6-7 miles home where the auto trans dumped it's oil on garage floor.
Actually she fell asleep missed the bend in the road, gearbox smacks a rock splitting box open which kept car flying level across ditch for 13 metres, hits the ground- missing a power pole bounces twice & she ACCELERATES through the grass for @ 100 metres & goes between a fence post & the farmers mailbox pops back on the road, realising the cars still running she drove home figuring she'd deal with it in the morning.
Car looked as good as ever- on top- on the hoist we had great delight showing the damage; smashed box, engine sump caved in, damage to various chassis members, squashed exhaust & suspension damage & half a wheelie bin worth of grass still hanging under car. A write off.
Good excuse to get another car but best stick to using her 4x4 ute for the offroading bits
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Dez
Club Retro Rides Member
And I won't sit down. And I won't shut up. And most of all I will not grow up.
Posts: 11,714
Club RR Member Number: 34
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Mechanical geniuses (Noooot!)Dez
@dez
Club Retro Rides Member 34
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Jun 24, 2016 22:54:47 GMT
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This thread title confuses me.
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14 years in the trade in one form or another having done Automotive, Agricultural, a bit of Plant and even the odd Marine job through that time, I've seen -and fixed- quite a few howlers.
A couple of favourites come from one particular old farmer who was pretty allergic to spending money.
First one saw him arrive at the workshop with his Bobcat on a trailer, sat low at one corner with a flat tyre. He started the conversation with his usual prefix -sucking air through his teeth- 'Now then boss, how much will it cost me...' with reference to the flat tyre.
'Let's have a look' says I, and wanders over to the machine. 'Sorry old lad, I can't do much with that today'. 'Ow's that then?' 'Someone's welded the wheel onto the hub.' 'Ahh, well it pulled the nuts through when we were using it t'other day, so we welded it back on to save having to get another wheel.'
In the end it cost him a rim, tyre, hub, and a few other bits which were also gubbed when it came apart.
Same old lad, this time just arriving with his Land Cruiser (Grey import Prado) parked it in the yard and didn't switch it off.
'Now then boss, how much to put a new starter on this then?' A phone call to the supplier, do some sums etc... 'You're looking at somewhere near £400.' 'Ahh, that's not right cheap is it?' 'Afraid not, the motors for these really aren't cheap.' 'Well, I've been parking it on a hill and bump starting it for a week or so, I think I'll just keep doing that for now'.
Less than a week later it reappeared, this time with his wife driving it. She left it with us with one simple instruction. FIX!!!
From those, and lots of other stories, I have come to at least one inescapable conclusion. Farmers should not be allowed to have tools. Especially welders.
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